The gift comes and goes in a way I never thought it would

1/12/09 Email Message

Family!,

Things are going pretty good. Its been snowing like crazy lately and the temperature has dropped drastically. But life is still good. Because of my increased responsibilities I have grown a lot in a these past few weeks. My Japanese has noticeably improved. Both my understanding and my speaking has gotten better. They are no where near where Id like them to be, but they have been just good enough to do what I need to do. The Lord gave me a bigger responsibilty and then gave me the tools to fulfill it. Why did I ever doubt?

I was reading the scriptures the other day and a came across a pretty cool scripture. I dont have them with me right now so Ill just try to paraphrase it. Its in D&C somewhere and it talks about the Lord giving us the words to say when we need to say them. Ive read that before, but I used to have a different understanding of it. I used to think it meant the Lord would teach me Japanese and I wouldnt have to worry about it. After a few months in Japan I started to wonder when the Lord would start teaching me the language. Why couldnt I order food at a restaurant properly? Why couldnt I have a full conversation with the kids in primary? Didnt the Lord promise me He was going to give me full command of the language? Now I know that is not what the scripture means. I have started to realize it is much more subtle than that. Now I know the Lord will give me the language skills I NEED and only WHEN I need them. There have been numerous times over the past few weeks where my Japanese has been good enough to teach a full lesson to a stranger on the street and pick them up as an investigator. And then there have been times where I cant even put together a complete sentence to one of my best friends at church. Its actually pretty shocking when it happens. The gift comes and goes in a way I never thought it would. But Ive started to realize thats because when Im teaching that person on the street I need the gift. When Im talking to my friend at church, I dont need it. Its that simple.

The Lord knows what He is doing. He knows when I need to talk and when I dont need to talk. Its been both very humbling and very inspiring to witness this first hand. I wish you could see it happening.

I love you all! I miss you so much! But just know Im working hard and stretching far. Your emails, letters, thoughts, and prayers help me through the tough times. Thank you so much for being so amazing! I love you!

Much Love,

Elder Brendan Kingsford